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The 40 Year Old Virgin (Rated: B) Reviewer: The Rebbitzen, (HITS)  What
a mensch! What a fine mensch! Surely such devotion to Torah can not go
unrewarded. Obviously, the main character, has abstained from indulging
his yetzer horah for so long only because he knows that Hashem has not
sent him his basheret. Such yiras shamoiyim!In this movie, a nice boy named Andy has tried to find his basheret, but having gone from one Meshuganah girl to the next, he gives up hope on ever finding his Kolloh! So sad! Thankfully, his three friends from Cheyder try and help him find a bas yisroel with yichas, but it just doesn’t work. Sure enough, Andy is eventually given a great brocha by Hashem and he meets Trish, and it’s a shidduch! Now while I have not seen this movie, I am sure it is a family film, full of good middos and should serve as a lesson for all those impatient teenagers who can’t wait to perform “the double mitzvah.” -- there’s still hope. |
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Yentl (Rated: M) Reviewer: Rabbi Avigdor Fershimmleman  If there is a movie
playing over and over in Gehenna, it will be Yentl. Normally, with Barbara
in a Movie, what’s not to like, right? But with this 132 minute pile of
drek, there really was nothing to like! That noise you are hearing is
Isaac Basheves Singer spinning in his grave at high speed, I assure you.
He may have written a story called Yentl, but I know he never wanted THIS.
As for the actors, Mandy Patinkin should be ashamed of himself- but he did make that lovely album Mamaloshen, so dam l’kav zchut. Amy Irving? Feh! No wonder Steven Spielberg divorced her. As for the others, they have never gotten too famous, and after this serious waste of God’s gifts, we can see why. I never thought Talmud study could be a horrible thing to see, but watching Ms. Streisand “sing” while she studies made feel queasy. It happened every time I looked at a Masechet- for a whole month. I had to switch to the Yerushalmi, for crying out loud! Do you know how hard that stuff is to understand if you’re not sephardi? Barbara also directed this mess, so I now have two reasons to take her to the Beis Din- falsely claiming to be a director and an actress.
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The House on Sorority Row (Rated: NC-613) Reviewer: Shmueli Katzwasser, Junior at Ner Yisroel Yeshiva  This
film ROCKED! IF my rabbonim at school knew that Avrom and I watched this,
we would be kicked out so fast! Okay, there’s this house full of these
really cute shiksas, and they are all playing around, but then they forget
to lock the doors, and this crazy guy comes in and starts killing
everybody. There’s like blood everywhere, and he’s so evil, and it turns
out he’s this illegitimate child of the old lady who watches over the
sorority girls. Finally one girl thinks he’s dead, but he’s not, and then
he really is, and then they kill the old lady. It was great. Okay, I have
to go study Navi for tomorrow. |
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Wallace and Gromit (Rated BG) In this Perek of their sefer, the story concerns a curse. While some might see this as advocating sorcery and other magic prohibited d'oriatah, clearly this is not what the torah prohibits, as it is both British and very silly. Their story is longer than other midrashim involving the two, but in the end, there is no safek, all is resolved. Yet a few elements are missing- some of the chiddushim and hashkafah are not the brilliant ones in past movies, such as "the wrong trousers." For this reason, the din is clearly "Wallace and Gromit: Mutar, aval lo chovah." |
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A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Rated
M) Not only is that Mos Def (who plays Ford) a nice boy, but there apparently is a nice young lady in the movie as well. Clearly, Trillian represents the female sephirot- although I wonder why the movie has her so scantily clad? It is probably to show how clearly Ford makes the secrets of Kabbalah clear for Arthur. Of course along the way they meet the agents of the Sitra Achra and the Devil himself, who here is represented by a two headed creature named something really gematriah based- Zaphu ben bibble habrox, I think. In any case, it is a great film, I am sure, and I am sure that any Kabbalist will enjoy seeing it. |
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Land of the Dead (Rated
NC-613) Review by Zacharia ben-Tukkel, 2nd year student at Yeshivat Ohr Samaeach.  First,
only the Mara De'alma can raise the dead. Second, if they are dead, why do
they need to be killed? Third, if they are killed, then what are they?
They were dead, then they were killed, so now what are they?This movie makes no sense, and not only for casting John Leguizamo as a bad guy. We all know that eating people is assur, so there is no way this many people - not even if they were Reform Zombies - would violate a Torah law so quickly. Overall, a great big feh. |
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Classic movie Logan's Run (Rated NK) Review by Mr. Fred Klaspinic, Gabbai at YSBE  Meshuganah
Kids! Running around with hardly anything on! Of course the cops are after
you. And the crazy dancing? People get killed in that big dance at the
end! Kids today, I tell you. I don't tolerate any of their craziness at
our shul, let me tell you.So a cop has a crush on one of these floozies running around. And of course they escape all the other cops (who can't believe this cop Logan would waste his time with some bimbo). So they go out and sure enough, the whole world is a mess, with Washington DC such a mess, it would take these kids years just to clean up the Washington monument. Bottom line, not kosher and I give it a giant "NK." |
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Narina: The Chronicles of Narnia (Rated NK) Edmund is a villain from the outset! The queen gives him food to eat, but does he check the hashgacha? No! It's a good thing he is put in jail. What a sour face on that girl Susan! Such a pisk on that punim! She should listen to her brother, who obviously has better middot than she does. I have never held a sword, but why does Peter have to clean it if there is no blood on it? That Aslan needs to see Dr. Bromberger about his eyes! And what's with all the coats in the closet? Who has furs like that and doesn't wear them? Or at least sell them? As for the whole stone table scene, if
I was familiar with Christianity, I would say that the sacrifice of
Aslan on the stone table is a horrible slap in the face to Judaism. The
table represents the Torah as being archaic and inflexible, a law
demanding blood without mercy or compassion; thus all Jews are devotees
of a faith that has no love -- we are therefore, in the eyes of CS
Lewis, monsters who seek to crucify the son of God in every world. But
since I am a mere Rebbetzin and know nothing of Christianity, it was a
confusing scene -- live lion, dead lion, live lion. Meshugganeh
Narishkheit, I have to say. |
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(C) Copyright 2005-2006 |
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I
myself do not study Kabbalah, since as an impure vessel, I know I am not
worthy. But this movie "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" clearly is a
Kabbalistic allegory. Arthur, a bit of a schlemazel, is saved from the
perils of this world, where the Sitra Achra (the evil world of Shadows)
has such power, by his chevruta partner, Ford. Together they explore
sephira after sephira, which is presented to us as entire worlds.
Feh!
Such a terrible movie. Talking animals, nobody is wearing tzitzit -- and
the oldest boy (Peter? What kind of name is that for a nice Jewish boy?)
is probably wearing shatnez.