Here are some frequent questions we've
received from our visitors.
Answers may not be suitable for younger or
more sensitive readers.
Q. Is this the same FAQ as last year?
A. Having now added this question, the answer is technically "no."
Q. Who is that stunningly attractive yet modestly dressed bas
yisroel in your banners?
A. That's my sister. Back off. --Avi Tropus, editor
Q. Do Orthodox Jews
have sex through a hole in a sheet?
A. Absolutely. No doubt in our minds.
Q. Are you serious? Through a hole
in the sheet?
A. Yep.
Q. Really?
A. Of course not! This is a nasty urban myth propagated from Orthodox
men hanging their "talit kattan" on the clothesline to dry, since
the talit kattan is a rectangular undershirt garment with a circle
cut out for the head. Jewish law usually prohibits anything coming
between a married couple’s intimacy, bed linens included.
Q. So Orthodox Jews really having sex
through a hole in a bed sheet is about as likely as . . . ?
A. As likely as a couple using gorilla costumes, hydraulic lifts,
Austin Powers masks, plastic explosives, and bathtubs full of soy sauce.
All at once.
Q: What makes Jewish Porn different
from regular porn?
A: Usually there is a potato knish involved.
Q: So Jewish Porn is all about food,
is that what you are saying?
A: If you've even been to an frum wedding in Monsey, you wouldn't be
asking that question.
Q: But I thought Jewish porn would be
something more sexual- you know- "Hot Horny Hasids" or "the girls
of Tel-Aviv".
A: That's disgusting. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Just wait
until we tell your mother you visited this website. We have your IP
Address, you know.
Q: Hey, wait a minute . . . does this
site have any real porn on it?
A: That depends on what you find pornographic. For some people, a person
eating a cucumber is erotic, and for others it is simply a demonstration
of proper nutrition. So look around- you may be surprised. But if you have
a pickle-relish on top of a Serbian woman wearing a Rudy Giuliani mask
type fetish, you should probably click here. Maybe they can help you.
Q: Why do we park in a driveway and
drive in a parkway?
A: Because driveways are way too narrow for two lanes of traffic. I
thought everyone knew that!
Q: What Masechet (Tractate) of
Talmud should I study this year?
A: Last year we recommended Menachot. This year we are encouraging you
to study Masechet Brachot- in the Talmud Yerushalmi. Don't worry-
Adin Shteinzaltz and Jacob Nuesner have commentaries and translations.
Since nobody studies Yerushalmi these days, they won't check your learning
too closely. Unless of course you are dealing with Sefardim, in which
case, you are on your own.
Q: What do you think of Jewish parents
who give their kids names like Taylor, Britney, Mercedes, or Diva?
A: We think they are Chaiyav Makkos.
Q: Is Giraffe really Kosher?
A: Yes, but since Giraffe tastes like boiled elephant, we suggest you
stick to beef and lamb.
Q: Pick a number between 1 and 100.
A: Gamma.
Q: Are you sure the whole
sex-through-a-hole-in-a-sheet thing is a myth?
A: Yes, we are quite sure.
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